me nd allen talked tonight about stopping talking toeach other (that sentance is sooo wrong lol but o well)
iono i feel ice cold... my heart is unmoved from this parting... its as if my heart has experienced so many blows that it is unable to feel any hurt from any man... but it also is unable to accept any love as well... my heart has finally become wut i feared it would be... un moved.... i feel love for leila.. no doubt... but wen it come to my own relationships its as if ive put up a perminent barrier that i am unable to tare it down no matter how hard i try...
i dont have room in my heart to love neone else... its stone cold
nd yet wen i look back on my memories of those that i have loved... the love burns in my heart as if it were still alive....
can only one that i once loved rekindle my ability to love??? or do i need to find someone like those that I have loved in order to rekindle that ability...
allen loved me and leila.... even though it had only been a few weeks...
did i subconciously run away the perfect man to be apart of leila nd my life??
he was perfect in every way... so why couldnt i find it in my heart to love someone so perfect.... one really must wonder....
because we say that we look for this... nd we look for that in a person... so then how come God placed someone that had EVERYTHING i sed i wuz looking for... infront of me... nd i didnt want it...y??
makes no sense to me at all..
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