so after 9months of luggin around the house ... feeling like a useless peice of doo doo... IM FINALLY WORKING... ya no im not getting paid that much... only 8.50 an hour but HEY... its amazing that I even got employed considering that the unemployment number in america keeps on increasing... so ya... im doing priti good... i feel good that I can FInally help allen pay a few bills and junk... it makes me happy helping him as much as I can...
sure im busting an arm and a leg for such little money but... they dont call it work for nothing... a few important things are coming up this week that I am incredibly nervous about.... the adoption with leila... I'm extremely scared but I know that God has a plan for it all... Im nervous only because I have no idea what God is thinking and that my worrying is showing a lack of faith in him...
you know what I wonder some times....they say God loves you as his child... so then... does he worry about me too??the way that i worry about leila being taken away... does God worry about me being taken by the world.... I think the answer is obvious... but still puzzling how he can care about such and insignificante being like me... on the other hand they say that every creature... every speciman in life is crutial in order for the future to remain balance... hence movies such as the butterfly effect and that time traveling move where they go back in time to kill a dinasaur that is already going to die.. and they accidently step on a tiny little butterfly which causes a ripple effect and changes the future....
anyways enough of that babbling that I tend to do...
wondering what time it is now valerie.... yup you are writting this AGAIN in the wee hours of the night.... now why you choose to write to yourself durring such weird times I have no idea... but you know that it sure makes you feel good... and sometimes even better than you did..
Ethan is two months old and is quite the handsome boy... he has the sweetest personality ever... you can just tell by the smile on his face that he is going to be a humble and caring person just like his father.... Leila is a totally different person now... she keeps changing and evolving into such a character.... she ALWAYS surprises me along with others with how SMART SHE IS FOR HER AGE... everywhere I go... when she opens that little mouth of hers it turns heads... and its a sure thing that someone will ask ,"How old is she?" then I'll say 3" then they say ,"wow, she talks good for her age"... WELLL YAAA hello her mothers nickname IS VALVAL MADALDAL....nd my MADALDAL genes passed along right to that girl.. haha ... she is still as sweet as she was when she was born... and it devistates me and excites me that shes growing up... its a weird feeling having two feelings that are totally oposite of each other at the same time.... but all in all I have lots of faith in God that he will bless my children....
SO back to work... I work at longs.... you might be asking.. LONGS? wuts LONGs..... well its a little drug store that sells a little bit of everything but is mostly used for its pharmesuitical purposes.... but ya... the Longs company got bought out (like so many other companies this year due to the economic crisis we are in) and we are soon becoming CVS Caremark... boo yeayy wutever its basically the same thing but more high tech... with less benefits...
its been goin great... ive been working hard....and working the graveyard shift... i used to wonder why they call it graveyard shift and now I know... I used to think it meant iono cuz you work durring zombie hour... or cuz night time is usually wen all the ghouls and ghosts come out ... but no.... its because youe BECOME A ZOMBIE/GHOUL/GHOST...... you become soooo tired that you yourself become the living dead...exageration.. I THINK NOT... not at all... I dont get any sleep... and is has taken its toll on me... cuz think about it.... Im working from 10 AT NIGHT till 6:30 in the morning....then Leila and Ethan wake up durring the day... so its a job in itself to try to find time to sleep... then since my sleep pattern is all messed up.... I cant sleep when I have the opportunity during the day... at most.. I get a total of 4 hours of sleep per day... AT MOSt!!....dont get me wrong.. I AM NOT COMPLAINING... I am just explaining my daily schdule for future enjoyment... because i highly doubt im gonna remember that working this much feels like a huge elephant SAT on your WHOLE BODY....lol...
I know allen is tired too... he wakes up at like 8 goes to work... comes home... takes care of the kids and cleans the house... I love him soo much... he is such a trooper... but is still the lucky one because he gets a chance to sleep... SLEEEPP o how i miss sleep...right now i miss sleep so much i could kiss it if i could catch it...
u know wuts crazy though... sometimes even though im tired ... IM NOT TIRED... WEIRD?? III KNOOOWWW... lol... how can you be both tired but not tired.... i guess its kinda like...when your dancing your heart out... nd you dont stop... nd ur feet are hurting but you dont notice your their hurting until you do stop or u think about it
or like... yourday at disneyland is sooo awesome but then you get tired and decide to go out to eat but the all of a sudden while ur eating that delicious meal your tiredness shoots out the window for that brief minute that you start out eating... but the food coma starts to kick in... ya its like that...
i know people think its weird to talk to yourself... but who gives a hoot??
So val... what are you like right now?? well you love the married life and couldnt be more happy with the man God gave you... You have two beautiful children that you would do anything for...YOu are trying your best to work on your people skills and become as humble as your husband.... you still have that fire in you passionate for reaching your dreams of helping others.... theres still that whisper from fate telling you you are going to something great someday....even though you have been dissapointed by your parents on several occations this year.. YOU KNOW FOR CERTAIN THAT YOU WILLL work and GET EVERYTHING THEY PROMISED YOU....ON YOUR OWN... WITHOUT THEIR HELP... because you know more than anyone that you cant depend on them to make your dreams happen... only you can.... you are strong and faught hard to be the good mother that you are... you faced rejection... prejudice.... stereotypical thoughts from other people... and fought for your right to be looked upon as THE RESPECTIBLE woman you know you are...
you are dissapointed about the wedding... your dream wedding slipped out of your fingers... but you know what... God picked it up and placed it back in not only MY hands.. but my husbands as well...
you're dissapointed your parents arent going to ge tyou a car...and it hurts you because vanessa has one.. and she doesn't work nearly as hard as I do... she got a new lap top when she was responsible for ruining mine... and what makes it worse.. she never really said thank you to my dad for buying it for her... my mom paid for her expensive schooling that only lasts a few months... while I go to community college and it will take me years and years to get where I wanna go...she gets handed things... and I have to work for it.. and sometimes even fight for what I want... you know... i would tell my parents about how much pain they give me by making me fend for myself while vanessa gets an esay ride... veronica does too... but the difference is... veronica deserves everything...but you know what val... you also know... that all this makes you into the person you are... you are determined to get everything you were ever promised... and you will get there... someday... maybe not now.. but someday... come back to this 5 years from now and see if you didnt do it... or arent in the process of doing it...and you know what is you dont have it then hey ME IN 5 years... dont give up... you can do it... you're valerie... God's with you.. always...
well i kinda have a cold... so imma leave it at that... Good night... and GOd Bless
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