lol iono i just started this thing cuz of amie..... iono i just find it fun readin wut she has to say and wut she wuz thinkin durring those times she wrote..... well everythings been just priti cool... i've just been strugglin with my faith. Not so much that i question it its just that its hard for me to live a true christian life. i know wut God wants for me nd i know wut he doesnt want of me. And yet i dont know why it is its so frikin hard for me to listen... i mean i keep tellin God im sorry and keep askin him to forgive me for how i live my life but its just iono sometimes i dont even want his forgiveness or feel like saying sorry to him.... not cuz im not sorry ... its just i dont feel like i deserve to be forgiven ya know?? i dont deserve to even talk to him.... i mean its soooo hard because i know im supposed to confess to him and everything but how can you when you feel so unworthy ya know?? You know wut i worry about?? when Jesus comes again where am i gonna go?? is God gonna once again be sooo gracious to me and forgive me and take me.... or will h e finally get tired of my sinful ways and decide i should be left here on earth with the rest of the people ??? I also get worried about those im closest too ya know?? its like i wanna spend eternity with all my close friends... and it kills me not knowing how their relationship with God is ... I wanna see them in heaven .... but i mean i guess thats why I write blogs.... in hope that my friends will read it and actually think about their faith and actually want to accept Jesus as their savior and realize that this life here on earth is nothing.... life is a preperation for your after life... how are you living you're life?? i wanna see allll of u in heaven argh sometimes i feel like talking to those im closest to about got but i guess im scared of rejection... nd am scared you wont wanna talk to me... like rob... rob i love you but talking about our faith isnt the easiest thing for me to do... because i dont exactly know where ur at... i guess i get concerned cuz see dont get mad its just that you dont xactly live a christian life... nd u know wut neither do I... and thats why i wanna work on it with you.... i wanna grow in christ but how can we do that when we keep on sining and having a lustful relationship... i know i start it a lot of the time nd im sorry but i did admit to u that its a problem... iono im really stuck but i want both of us to go to heaven..... iono wen imma tell all this to you rob but i'll save it here till i feel like i can tell you that its really bothering me... i lov eyou with all my heart and love to kiss you and stuff dont get me wrong because wen ever i talk about this stuff u tend to think that i totally dont want any contact with u at all but thats not the case ok i hope you understand....
well thats all for now the baby is cryin once again... ses growin big nd strong nd beaUUUUTIFUL...
as for my stressing... im not stressing so much ne more.... i think iono i guess i realized m the only onw who can help myself.... i realized im not gonna get more help then i am rite now cuz its just too hard to get help due to my sistuation of not being able to drive nd rob not having a car nd my dad bein an asswhole at times nd my mom too tired to drive or nething.... iono ahhh i dont wannna cry so im outs.....
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