FATHERS DAY!!! 07

sooooo much i want to say but i cant....

i want to just put it all out there but i wont...

its 12 i cant sleep...

everyone ses im so strong nd... to a certain point i really am... but i cant be right now... i cant sleep 2 much on my mind ...

our family robert....

its still OUR family...

i cant say i dont miss it... i cant say i dont miss you...the old u... cuz i do... but i dont miss who u are now...

i mean dont get me wrong...i know we cant ever be together again cuz we are soooo different from each other....

nd not only that but because of the kind of future that i want to have....

im just sad for leilani .... she deserves to have her family whole...

we did put this on ourselves...

but leila didnt...

IM SOOO SAD nd yet so blessed

i dont know how i want our relationship to work...

shes so beautiful... she looks like u still

im not mad at you...

i understand you 100%

i miss my best friend... the one that looked out for me... the one that told me not to talk to ur homeboy cuz he just uses grls...

even though i feel all this saddness im still satisfied with the way things are now...

i wuz going to give you back our family picture with santa clause... but for some reason... i cant let it go...

i dont love you i am certain...

so dont think i still do cuz im writing this...

i cant help but think of u because of wut day it is today

sometimes i wonder if you miss us...

but then i see ur happy with ur grl so i know u dont...

i dont understand myself rite now...

im soo happy with my life rite now but dont really know wut i want with u...

sometimes i wanna yell at u nd remind you of ever happy momment we had...

nd other times i couldnt care less about u...

im sorry leilani..

i never thought youd leave me alone like this...

nd yet i like it bcuz it shows how strong i am...

i really wanted you to prove the world wrong

but u just confirmed wut they thought...

u told me it wuznt me... then wut wuz it?? u sed i wuz perfect... then wut wuz it??

nd yet im glad we broke up cuz if we hadnt i would have never met ale...

but now hes gone too...

same reasons u left me...

im so stuck...

im happy with my life nd yet still so sad about u...

i dont want u need u or love you ....nd yet im still so sad...

i dont understand

im glad im going to regen...

y do i keep making up excuses for u even though u dont deserve it...

y do i forgive you wen u dont deserve it....

y do i think about u... wen u dont deserve to even be thought about...

y do i hold back...

u know i am sad about U... but im happy to be a parent.... people think that im super sad as a young mom but im not... im just sad for leila...

leilani deserved the best possible life.... nd maybe that best possible life is without u...

nd im starting to think so...

nd yet shes soooo wonderful she deserves to have that father figure in her life...

but ur too immature to provide that...

im so happy for fritzie nd jason....

they're different from us...

really different

people think im stupid for ever getting with you...

i dont think so...

if i didnt... i wouldnt have leila here with me...

i think it wuz worth it...

blogging this shit helps me nd i dont know y...

rob...

 ur family is still here for u even though u dont deserve it...

if you ever need ur best friend... im still here.... even though u never confided anything to me...

i dont know wut the point of this wuz ...

but at least now... i think i can sleep... i hope....