wutever.....

i've always been really understanding of Gods plans for me in my life...

i've always understood that wen people leave my life its for Gds greater purpose...

but wen will it be my turn?? my turn to love... my turn to be happy??

krystle is right i cant always make everyone else happy...

but wenever i find wut does make me happy it get taken away...

i guess thats y id rather make other people happy rather than making myself happy....

cuz wen i make other people happy i dont have to think about wut im feeling... cuz wen i do know wut im feeling... its unbearable....

....wen ever one thing happens.... 50 other memries pop into my head...

y?? iono... i wish they wouldnt just overflow my thoughts though.... cuz its hard...

i consume myself with studies.... i take care of my daughter... i try to make her happy...

nd wen i go out.... people still ask "wheres ur kid".... i get that line a lot... but wut they dont understand is that... i need time to be happy too... i love her with all my heart... i provide for her... i try to meet her needs.... wen im not trying to make her happy.... im trying to make my parents happy... by studying hard and listening to them.... nd wuts left for me?? an hour or two with my friends.... one night of the week at the club.... if im lucky i go out at least 3 times...

i rarely spend money on myself cuz i cant.... so if i wanna spend some on a night out then wutever...

when does my happiness come??

wut is all this punishment for??

i wish my life wuz just all a bad dream nd i could wake up and be 12 again... so i can prevent all that happend...

wen u kill someone... a peice of ur soul gets torn..... same goes for wen ur heart breaks.... slowly ... ur soul gets torn into so many peices theres no hope of ever repairing it... the part of my soul that loves... that part of me is gone... im not able to realize wen there are feelings nemore... until my heart hurts... thats how i know i wuz feeling sumthing...

i know... i'll be happy again... nd imma look back on this nd be like damn... i wuz an emo lil mofo LOL... but this is life ryte??