just a thought

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't."

I loved this quote from nikkay's page cuz its so true you know. No matter what you do in your life you WILL infact be criticized for it so you might as well just do what you feel is right in your heart.

You just need to stop and realize that there is no pleasing everyone.

For so long I struggled with what people thought about me as a mother. I wanted so bad to prove to everyone that even though I was only 16 years old that I could be a better mom than moms that were older than me. To the people my age that stopped talking to me and caring for me when I got pregnant I wanted to prove to them that even though you have the responsibility of a child you can still have fun and that being a parent IS FUN.

Both of those things back fired. Even though I was a good mother and knew litterally everything about childcare and child development... and even though leilani (even until now)... has shown how incredibly advanced she is for her age ... people still look at me as being an unfit mother because of the fact that I am so young....

When I was trying to show that it isn't the end of your life when you have children it totally backfired also. I would choose one night a week where I would go out without leilani... ONE NIGHT to myself... nd then automatically I was labelled a bad mother for not being with her. The ones that love me are probably saying wth who thinks that? well you love me so ofcourse you would think that but there are a lot ...

An example... I was in Krystle's court for her debut... and the night of the debut I was in the bathroom fixing myself after performing  the modern dance... nd this girl who shall remain nameless ses to me "where's your kid? at" ... I didnt want to take it offensively so I just answered politely " Shes here... my parents are watching her for me so I could perform." then she just said "oh"...

Well Allen and I started to date a few weeks after that and so we went on a lil date to the movies and we saw her there nd I smiled... nd she wuz like "Wheres ur kid at?" nd I sed, "At home sleeping"... then I heard her say something sarcastic to her best friend but i couldnt make it out so i said "wut?" nd she laughed nd said " oh nothing.... then headed off to the hotel party at the shereton...

So no matter how good a parent I am to leila... people will always criticize me becasue of my age.. so at this point I don't care too much about it... it makes me mad ...ya... but I raised leila right... nd I'm proud of myself...I was always there for her to love her and feed her growing mind.

I'm tired of trying to justify myself for other people. SO no I just dont bother trying to tell everyone anything.... because no matter how hard I fight for the truth.... people just wont accept it... and thats perfectly fine... because in my heart.. I know I did what was right..

In the end... its God you have to face... not them..... I'm glad God is the all knowing God he is... It comforts me knowing that I dont have to justify myself before God... because he knows it all. He knows what happend in the past... he knows what was in my heart... and thats all that really matters to me. God was there with me through all my battles ... and he knows the truth... I dont need to prove myself to anyone