A lot of crazy things have happened in the last few years and no im not afraid to talk about it all haha if ur willing to read be my guest but i can tell this is gonna be a long one already...
I've been through so many things in my life I was pregnant at the age of 15 which wasn't the smoothest ride. People looking at me funny... walking around the mall getting stare after stare like I was some kinda freak... but the Lord made me strong then so it didn't hurt as much as it would have if he weren't there...
Leilani was and continues to be such a blessing in my life and when she was born I was the happiest i have ever been in my entire life. Things were going good I was able to balance high school and having a kid with the help of Tracy high school. Then Leilani and I were left by ourselves which was the most hurtful thing that had ever happend to me... broken promises and lies uncovered tore me to peices... leilani was too young to know what was going on which was another blessing because I know i would have killed myself because seeing her depressed would have push me off the edge... cuz i wuz already looking over that edge thinking of jumping... when they say your heart breaks they mean it my heart litterally hurt and I would cry to my mother and i would say it hurts my heart really hurts and she would just hold me crying cuz there was nothing to do...
I would stay in my room stupidly hoping he would come to his senses but then I realized that I had been raising Leila by myself since she was born... sure he would visit... but he would only visit as much as any of my other friends did.... I realized that I had to accept reality and move on...
I think wut tore me apart the most was that my family was torn... I never pictured my family as a broken one... but I had no idea at the time that God had something better instore for me much later...
It was hard yes seeing certain things killed me... but i didnt cry anymore...cuz i think I cried so much there werent anymore tears left to cry...
I tried the whole dating thing after that but it just wasn't working... I was too torn and it wuz the wrong time... I was torn and I didnt know that the people i was trying to talk to had the wrong intentions...
Graduation.. God walked with me then.... making it one of the best days of my life. Looking out into that crowd pouring out my soul about what those people at school did for me... which is more then they will ever know... without them talking to me about everything I would have never made it...
Then I was hurt again by another guy nd i was sad but not as sad as before but by then I prayed and prayed that god would bring me the man that I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with soon because I needed him I needed someone to lift me out of all this pain and walk with God with me... Leilani needed a Dad..
Then krystle's Debut came around... and it made me so happy that I was able to spend one day a week happy and have fun just like everyone else... just dancing nd i needed that... I needed to be around people that made me happy... I was especially glad because at that time I had such low self-esteem....but Valerie (kry's sister im not refering to myself in the third person haha)... shes just the kind of person who makes you feel like you're an important part of things... and even though you feel like crap she always finds soomething to compliment you on ... nd I needed that so much... it meant a lot to me especially at that time...
Thats when things started to turn around for me... nd I was actually a happy person again...
Then I found out my Debut partner allen had a lil thing for me ;) haha i seriously had no idea till day of debut...
i mean ya i had lil hints like wen we would hold hands durring practices.. haha we would be practicing the salsa dance nd wen it would be the holding hand parts nd we would have to stop we continued to hold hands nd crap but iono i didnt think of it as anything for some reason haha
ne ways... He turned out to be the absoloute best thing that has happend to not just me but to leilani as well.... He became the father she never had. Allen would take the both of us out and take us different and exciting places and leila was the happiest lil girl... Everyone in my family began to see a change in her.... Leila was happier and it makes me so happy. Allen doesnt know it but he changed our lives. Leilani had never gone to Disneyland or anywhere fun for that matter until he came along... she just began to click with allen so well... It scared me yes but at the same time it felt right...
Leilani began to hug him and kiss him like a lil girl would with her dad.... she would light up when he would come through the door...nd so would I... being with Allen has truely been a blessing from God...
You know while I was in pain and crying God was just smiling at me knowing that I would meet Allen soon and me and leila would finally be where he intended us to be... The Lord planned everything so PERFECTLY... I mean he brought leilani into my life to change me into the person that I am now because if he didn't I dont think me nd allen would be as compatible as we are now...
God knew the exact two parents needed in order to create leilani....nd knew that My family with Allen wouldn't be complete if I didnt first have her....
I smile when I see Allen and leila together... she just naturally loves him and Allen is a natural father...He's done more for leilani then anyone else ever has.
We are having a baby of our own and are trying to prepare leila so she wont be jealous.. we are going to love our children equally and try to raise our family under God....
Allen Me Leilani and the baby.... make a wonder family...a family put together by God.... a family blessed by God... and a family that will live for God...
funny how everything works out right?? so dont take your hardships and bad mouth God... for he has a better plan for you if you would just open your eyes and see it ....
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